Never let it be said that He’s Spartacus shies away from tackling the serious issues in life head on.

I invested in a new rug yesterday. I regret to report, however, that I got it home and discovered it is just wrong on every conceivable level. It would, I have decided, suit the apartment of a homosexual drug dealer.

Ah well, I shall just have to heave a sigh of resignation and return to the interior design drawing board.

Coincidentally, the chap who lives across the landing from me actually is a real life, walking, talking, gay drug dealer. Very nice man, despite the fact that he appears to believe shirts are an unnecessary encumbrance, who takes tremendous care of his dogs. People like that are the very bedrock of the community.

I’m considering selling him the rug, although I find myself on the horns of a dilemma in this regard….

Do I just offer it to him without further comment or do I suggest that it is the perfect adornment to any gay drug dealer’s home?



11 comments on “Never let it be said that He’s Spartacus shies away from tackling the serious issues in life head on.

  1. I don’t always agree with your politics, but I’m usually interested in what you have to say. You’ve hit a bit of a low here.

    What has sexuality got to do with it?

  2. He’s a gay drug dealer, a drug dealer who is gay.

    I’ve been in his apartment and I think the rug would combine perfectly with his Judy Garland pictures and improve the ambience when he’s listening to I Will Survive and I Am What I Am.

    I’m delighted you think I’ve hit a low. Quality is my watchword and I aim to improve every day.

  3. So it would fit into his home.

    Not just any gay drug dealer.

    I know you’re probably only trying to make a joke of it, but homophobia is so ingrained into much of society, that most people will interpret it as “He’s not just a drug dealer, it’s even worse! He’s a gay drug dealer!”

    It’s the wording really, rather than the fact you mention he’s gay.

    Ah well, have a cracking day anyway.

  4. Well I laughed, so I’m obviously a very bad man. Your post does raise some interesting questions that only you can answer, the most moot of which is – had you been sampling your neighbour’s wares when you went hunting for rugs? If not, what other construction may we, your readers, put upon your epic fail to remember what the interior of your own premises looked like?

    • I was clearly under the influence of something when I made the purchase, but it is a matter of strict policy for me only to buy drugs from white, Anglo Saxon, Protestant, British, manly heterosexual drug dealers with deep voices.

      If they are members of the BNP with golliwogs decorating their apartments, and the complete works of Nancy Mitford in their bookshelves, so much the better.

  5. Cut out the middle man – why don’t you just swap it for drugs? Quite clearly a win win situation.

  6. You have the best of both worlds right at your door step and you’re worried about whether or not your carpet matches your drapes ? Silly boy!

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