3 Comments

Pornstar tweet of the day #1

Welcome, dear reader, to the first in what will surely become a landmark in human cultural history.

Pornstar Tweet of the Day starts today, with the gripping, edge of the seat tale of Jenna Haze’s return flight on US Airways from El Paso, TX via Phoenix, AZ to Los Angeles.

It all starts quite normally. Somewhere in West Texas, an everyday all American gal from Fullerton, CA, is messaging her friends and fans from an airport departure lounge….

Relaxed, at ease with the world….

From her elegant coiffure to her subtly tinted toenails, the very model of the cool, sophisticated, modern LA woman….

But wait! What’s this?

A hail of virtual invective is launched into cyberspace….
Understandably, our heroine is getting a little agitated….

Surely things can’t get any worse….

Oh. It appears I may have been a little over optimistic….

Is that a light we see at the end of the tunnel?

Or an oncoming train?
Despair is beginning to set in….

Sorry, love, got to put you straight here. As the mighty George Carlin said, 50% 0f prayers offered up to God get answered, exactly the same number as those offered to the tooth fairy, leprechauns or Ryder Haggard’s Gorilla God. What conclusion do you think we should draw from this?

Anyway….to continue….this time, finally, it would seem the ordeal may be reaching some sort of conclusion….


But not before another telling barb from Jenna’s acid keypad….
The mood lifts a fraction further. The fog begins to clear. The first hint of dawn is almost imperceptibly lightening the horizon….

Now all we can do is wait.

Legions of fans, friends and onlookers, plams sweating, pulses racing, fingernails gnawed down to the quick, cross every digit and stare at their screens in rapt anticipation. Could there be yet another twist in this serpentine adventure?

The tension is unbearable. It is reaching breaking point. All over the planet, parents hush their children, Catholic grandmothers forget their rosaries, the Taliban calls a temporary ceasefire in Afghanistan….

Until….


The spontaneous global outburst of unconfined joy is a sight to be seen! Millions take to the streets, chanting and singing, newsflashes appear on television, the Archbishop of Canterbury declares a day of thanksgiving throughout the Anglican Communion, the Taliban rejoin their task of planting IEDs in roadsides and hidden gullies.

Only one, solitary, dissenting voice is heard, dimly, amid the clamour….

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3 comments on “Pornstar tweet of the day #1

  1. THAT is funny as hell.

  2. heyy.. my name is Alyss, I work for Naughty Tweet. Just wanted you to know that we have a trademark on the name PornStar Tweet. Please provide links to the stars' accounts on our website http://pornstartweet.com if you are going to use our TM. Thanks 🙂

  3. Alyss, No sooner said than done.

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