Yep

Obo the Clown fifth….FIFTH???

I am losing the will to live.

I have staked the gerbil out in the midday sun. This a mere taste of what will befall him if I don’t pick up some votes, and pronto. It’s up to you now, dear reader.

Pornstar tweet of the day #5

I have detected a rather disturbing trend, namely a recent upsurge in the number of tweets about guns from Fort Wayne, IN. porn goddess, Bree Olson.

Viz….

And….

Which got me wondering if this is a wholesome pastime for a pretty young pornstar, and loaded me up with the more than slightly arousing mind movie of Bree atop a Marine Corps Hummer, blazing away with an M2 .50 cal, Olson Twins (no, not those Olson Twins) registering nine on the Richter scale.

A tonic for the troops, I’m sure you’ll agree.

Her post of the day, however, reveals a potentially more sinister side to her character….

Are you sure that’s wise, Bree? I mean, live and let live, eh?

Pornstar tweet of the day #3

OK, look, I’m not normally given to schadenfreude, nor am I one to profit from the misfortunes of others, but I have to admit to a slight tingle of anticipation, the merest hint of increased activity in the salivary glands when I came across this tweet from our intrepid globetrotter, Jenna Haze yesterday….

Was a waiting world about to vicariously experience yet another adrenalin fuelled emotional roller coaster ride accompanying Jenna on her drive to The Plymouth of the West?

One dedicated follower just couldn’t endure the tension any longer….

Hope springs eternal in the blogger’s breast as the minutes tick slowly by. Maybe I’m onto something….

The minutes turn to hours….

And then, much, much later….

Well, that’s four hours of my life I’ll never get back.

Pornstar tweet of the day #2

Now this is what I call dedication above and beyond.

Twitter, since its inception in 2006, has been described as many things. To some, it is a web-based shrine to narcissism, to others an essential marketing tool, to others a place to share intimate thoughts that, in the real world, they would find difficult to articulate, to others a place where they can just keep up to date with friends.

But to Jenaveve Jolie….

It should be emphasised that the above is the largest sample of Jenaveve’s recent social networking activities that I could fit on a single screencap. To get a true feel for the sheer scale of her enthusiasm for the overworked sales pitch, I refer you to the link above.

Other people might call it spam, but I call it selfless dedication to the people that make this business we call….

Nah, it’s fuckin’ spam.

My suspicion is that this is the work of a particularly zealous young PR intern. But you never know.

Either way, up your game, love.

Pornstar tweet of the day #1

Welcome, dear reader, to the first in what will surely become a landmark in human cultural history.

Pornstar Tweet of the Day starts today, with the gripping, edge of the seat tale of Jenna Haze’s return flight on US Airways from El Paso, TX via Phoenix, AZ to Los Angeles.

It all starts quite normally. Somewhere in West Texas, an everyday all American gal from Fullerton, CA, is messaging her friends and fans from an airport departure lounge….

Relaxed, at ease with the world….

From her elegant coiffure to her subtly tinted toenails, the very model of the cool, sophisticated, modern LA woman….

But wait! What’s this?

A hail of virtual invective is launched into cyberspace….

Understandably, our heroine is getting a little agitated….

Surely things can’t get any worse….

Oh. It appears I may have been a little over optimistic….

Is that a light we see at the end of the tunnel?

Or an oncoming train?

Despair is beginning to set in….

Sorry, love, got to put you straight here. As the mighty George Carlin said, 50% 0f prayers offered up to God get answered, exactly the same number as those offered to the tooth fairy, leprechauns or Ryder Haggard’s Gorilla God. What conclusion do you think we should draw from this?

Anyway….to continue….this time, finally, it would seem the ordeal may be reaching some sort of conclusion….

But not before another telling barb from Jenna’s acid keypad….

The mood lifts a fraction further. The fog begins to clear. The first hint of dawn is almost imperceptibly lightening the horizon….

Now all we can do is wait.

Legions of fans, friends and onlookers, plams sweating, pulses racing, fingernails gnawed down to the quick, cross every digit and stare at their screens in rapt anticipation. Could there be yet another twist in this serpentine adventure?

The tension is unbearable. It is reaching breaking point. All over the planet, parents hush their children, Catholic grandmothers forget their rosaries, the Taliban calls a temporary ceasefire in Afghanistan….

Until….

The spontaneous global outburst of unconfined joy is a sight to be seen! Millions take to the streets, chanting and singing, newsflashes appear on television, the Archbishop of Canterbury declares a day of thanksgiving throughout the Anglican Communion, the Taliban rejoin their task of planting IEDs in roadsides and hidden gullies.

Only one, solitary, dissenting voice is heard, dimly, amid the clamour….